| SEX AND THE LIBERATED MAN Dr. Albert Ellis Secaucus, NJ: Lyle Stuart, 1976 |
Rating: 5.0 High |
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| ISBN-13 978-0-8184-0222-7 | ||||
| ISBN 0-8184-0222-9 | 347p. | HC | $12.95 | |
Whatever else he may be, Dr. Ellis is a master at self-promotion. His present book leads off with an over-long Foreword in which he mentions many of his other books and papers, and generally paints himself as a pioneer and a giant in the field of psychology. He may be all of that, but personally I wish he would turn down the volume with which he toots his own horn.
The Foreword is followed by an equally self-congratulatory Introduction. However, it is mercifully short (three pages) and does lay out the theme of the book. That, I think I can say with only a little over-simplification, is "Get it on, guys! Do it in whatever form feels best to you, as long as you don't step on any toes."
I should say at this point that Dr. Ellis has a successful practice of many years' standing, and has written at least 20 books on sexuality and other aspects of psychology. And he is a thorough researcher, as shown by the many quotes in this book, and by its extensive bibliography of 30 closely spaced pages. He is by no means a charlatan or a crackpot. However, he does, IMHO, come across as something of a maverick. (So do I.)
The first chapter deals with a subject which many books on sexuality omit: abstinence. The conventional wisdom seems to be that this practice, while unusual, is relatively benign. Dr. Ellis demolishes that view pretty thoroughly by quoting the conclusions of other prominent researchers who have done studies on the effects of total abstinence. These include (but are not limited to) inability to concentrate, tension and stress, and problems with general social interactions. In addition, abstinence may cause or contribute to a range of minor diseases. Males are typically afflicted more than females, and young males more so than older ones. Some individuals notice no deleterious effects; but those are usually found to be at the low end of the sex-drive scale. In short, for most people a prolonged, complete lack of sexual release is both unpleasant and harmful, though not life-threatening in a strictly medical sense.
Chapter 2 extols a practice that remains shameful, even in these days of sexual liberation when every sort of escapade or problem is the daily fare of the talk shows — as Dr. Jocelyn Elders found out. I speak, of course, of masturbation (as did Dr. Elders, to her disadvantage.) The author quite practically points out that it is free, avoids many of the problems inherent in sexual relationships (an even more significant concern in the age of AIDS) and can help prepare one for those same relationships.
Chapter 3 presents Dr. Ellis' general philosophy about guilt, which is that it often serves to trap us in the "sins" we profess to regret so strongly. He proposes the techniques of "Rational Emotive Therapy" that generally seek to reduce dependence on absolutes. For example, saying "I must be successful with every woman I try to bed" can lead to onerous self-doubt when the inevitable turn-down occurs. Hey, not even James Bond scores every time! Far healthier, says Ellis, to think in terms of "usually" or "tend to": "I tend to succeed with women I'm interested in." It leaves some room for the vicissitudes of life.
Finally we get to the subject most men would buy the book for: Women! The next four chapters cover the nature of female sexuality, techniques of sexual persuasion (seduction), and how to arouse a woman both psychologically and physically. In a few places, Dr. Ellis might come across as sexist by today's sexual-conduct standards (sexual standards — now there's an oxymoron), and some of his statements might be seen as outrageous. However, he consistently emphasizes the great variability in human likes and dislikes, and stresses the importance of paying attention to your partner's reactions from moment to moment during lovemaking. Sounds fair enough to me. As for the putative outrageousness, that seems merely hyperbole intended to make a point.
Dr. Ellis goes into considerable detail in Chapter 7 with respect to physical methods, and discusses the senses of sight, touch, smell and taste. He points out that scientists have identified pheromones in vaginal secretions, mentions (unfavorably) the use of alcohol, marijuana, and and opiates as aphrodisiacs, and even describes such legendary substances as strychnine, cantharides (Absinthe), and yohimbine. These last three he describes as dangerous.1 (I had not been aware that yohimbine had such a reputation; it seems the good doctor was ahead of many so-called experts in several respects.) He extends this discourse on technique in Chapter 8 (How to Pet and Like It) and later in Chapter 12 (Techniques and Positions of Intercourse).
The remaining four chapters (9, 10, 11 and 13) cover the ways of dealing with or avoiding problems — your partner's or your own.
An extensive bibliography rounds out this useful and unorthodox book.
To contact Chris Winter, send email to this address.